Theresa May’s Legacy

Theresa May was the last person to leave the party. Kept saying she was off, edging towards the door, then having just one more glass of wine. We wanted to tidy up, go to bed, but couldn’t get rid of her. Finally, she’s called her cab and is off.

Despite everything, it’s hard not to admire her, in the way you admire a boxer lasting through two more rounds despite having his eye hanging out of the socket and all his teeth on the floor. He still lost, but wow he put up a fight!

Like many people, I found it hard not to feel sorry for her at a human level. I guess for me it was partly her very sweet looking husband. I wouldn’t be happy if everyone was bitching about my wife, trying to screw her over, and mocking her in public. So maybe I felt more sorry for him. They’re a nice couple. I like to imagine them enjoying their hill walking holidays. And from that perspective, I felt sorry for her.

But a year ago when I wrote about feeling sorry for Theresa May, I said that she never had my vote, but now she also didn’t have my sympathy. That was after remembering how sinister she had been as Home Secretary, and the Windrush scandal. Her own attempt to control the narrative as she now sinks into ignominy as an historical character was the list of achievements she gave in her resignation speech. ‘No really, look at the good things I did!’ she asked us. It was such a privilege to be Prime Minister. Maybe for her it was, but sadly for her party and for the country it was not.

I often think that the only thing worse than wanting to be prime minister and not becoming prime minister, is to spend your life wanting it and then to become the worst prime minister in modern times. She was clearly hanging in there desperately trying to secure a legacy, but in the end failed even to do the one thing she had promised to do: deliver Brexit. Previously, the accolade of most useless PM was resting on the shoulders of David Cameron, who will be remembered for cack-handedly causing Brexit and fucking up our country. But he will no doubt be celebrating today that his reputation as premier may now be obscured by the sheer magnitude of Theresa May’s failures.

She listed her successes to us, carefully skirting the herd of angry elephants in the room. A few things we hadn’t really noticed were now a bit better, but…